There are many lessons of this season. We deal with one here. Please share with especially young people.
Since the death of Herbert Wigwe, wife and son, you have to have lost something in your humanness not to feel it. You do not need to have met them or known them. The most I know him, is via a very talented and excellent person I know, I can say, well, who was head-hunted to assist with his project. This person told me good things about him, and I trust her judgement.
If you have paid attention, his death is classical William Shakespeare; “When beggars die, there are no comets seen; The heavens themselves blaze forth the death of princes.”
It may be safe to say that more persons have known Herbert Wigwe in death than while he lived. May his soul, and that of his wife and first son, rest in peace.
It is possible that his death may have received more media attention than most other things in Nigeria of this time. One aspect that has become important to some persons is the birthday of a lady who is reported as being in the same church or is his pastor/wife of his pastor, I am not sure, but we have learnt that Herbert supported their church very well. The video link below is one of such media conversations that jumped onto my laptop on YouTube and I decided to listen. That became the prompter for this. You may want to listen if you have some time: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N58AuLEgzV0.
There are lessons here beyond the person who died and the pastor and the church he chose to belong to, and to support. One lesson here is about managing human relationships. There are lessons about man in community, and in society. There are lessons which young people today need to learn about interpersonal skills and human relationships. Those skills today are in short supply. They may never have been socialised on what is expected of the human person in community and society, in different circumstances, good or bad. This weakness does not exclude some adults who live for themselves.
There are moments, and there are moments. There are moments to arouse the humanity and humanism in the human. Unfortunately, today society is filled with people who only remember others when they need help, and after that they move on as if they do not remember. There are those who remember what they chose to and forget what they chose to. I have held that some persons have the gift and grace from their creator, or what do I attribute that to, of selective amnesia, and convenient forgetfulness.
I am reluctant to admit they could be pretentious, cunny, or mischievous. I do not believe that there are persons whose preference is to be described as bad or evil. People are simply products of their backgrounds, history, socialisation from birth, and natural attributes. In other words, the famed nature and nurture. Sadly, there are not many examples of persons who easily accept their weaknesses or change as they pass through life.
There not many cases of examples of the Biblical David, who though human, had such attribute as in Psalm 51, “My sins are ever before me”. This is not about religious preferences, Christian, Muslim, traditional, or even atheist.
These may be found in the relationships between husbands and wives, fathers and mothers and their children. It is found amongst cousins, nieces and nephews, as well as in-laws. It includes fathers- and mothers-in-law, sons- and daughters-in-law. Note that in this list, I did not include friends, for if someone is truly your friend, he or she will not likely fail on this at certain such moments. They will be there. As one song states, “just call my name, I will be there” Another states, “that’s what friends are for. In good times and bad times, I will be by your side for ever more”. And yet another states, “I will be bridge over trouble waters”. Ironically in the lists above fathers and children, husbands and wives, siblings, in-laws, uncles, aunties, cousins, nieces and nephews are implicated. So is life.
Interestingly, in the Herbert Wigwe case, men cried like women and boys. Aig, Sanusi, Dangote, men who many will think of as hard men, wept openly. There is something there. People openly confessed favours Herbert did them. Lessons. For Christian example, Jesus wept at the death of his friend, Lazarus, along with his sisters (John 11:35).
It is about the human person and consciousness of what is expected of a human being in certain circumstances. In an important way, a Christian manifest when the circumstance calls for what Christ would do in similar circumstance, and not an oral claim to be a Christian. Christ said, by their fruits you will know them.
When under deprivation or when in abundance, are you able to unconsciously, without prompting activate the Christ-parameter, or is your Christianity about attending church, mid-night prayer, celebrated fasting, all manner of crusades and similar events? But most critically, it seems that there has emerged a new era/society that is uncaring, and not conscious of the other person, and what the circumstance demands. Christians are expected to mourn with those who mourn and rejoice with those who rejoice.
Last July (2023), I lost my father. Humanity surprised me by their care and support. Persons I never factored with surprised me. Persons, I have nothing to offer anything surprised me. Persons, I did not remember to inform, days and weeks after, felt committed to show sympathy. At the same time, a few persons I expected sympathy from were not there. So is life. What is involved may not be Christianity. It may be each person’s consciousness, and each person’s humanism, and each person’s inter-personal skills.
These weaknesses may indeed be a function of a weakness in childhood socialisation. My late mother in my undergraduate days would inform me about those who are bereaved, had a baby, got married, or whatever, immediately I returned home on holidays. She would ask me to go round and see them. At that young age, I often struggled on what to say to those persons, especially those bereaved. I am not sure there are parents who prompt their children on things like these.
When my grandfather died in October 1986, I was certainly, as Prince William pledged to his father, King Charles at his coronation, my father’s liege man of life and limb. Prince William: “I, William, Prince of Wales, pledge my loyalty to you, and faith and truth I will bear unto you, as your liege man of life and limb. So, help me God.” (Prince William Kneels Before His Father King Charles in Emotional Coronation Moment).
I was literally in charge. I was everywhere. I was up and doing. When my grandmother died in April 1999, of course we were old enough, and I told my father and his brother that my siblings and I, children from my mother will do everything, and all they needed to do was to tell us what they wanted and how they wanted it.
That was the old society, or so it seems. Not too long ago, I was at the Church funeral service for a well-known professor, and an obviously respected man. At the time his first son was called to say the funeral oration, he was not inside the church, but with his friends outside. I have also seen another prominent man, whose son was unable to say anything, after being called a number of times in the church funeral service.
The times are far away from the era when a daughter could volunteer to stay back from school to become mother to her siblings at the demise of her mother. This generation is different, and obviously not just the young people. The values of old have been overrun by the world of today. Why it is important to focus on the young people, is that perchance, just perhaps, we can salvage a few.
By Prof. Chinedum Nwajiuba
